Tag Archives: Satan

Motley Microfiction: Deck the Hells

Ruined! He was ruined! Satan brooded over the vast, deserted hellscape and wondered for the thousandth time how it’d come to this.

Damn you, hackers! he thought, but damning was no good now. Thanks to a technicality, no souls would be damned to Hell anytime soon. Not until Satan could get a tech guy down here to fix the servers.

The teenagers responsible hadn’t even intended it. They’d just wanted a good haul of Christmas presents.

Sure, there were superficial similarities: signature red outfit, similarly spelled names. But there’s a huge difference between a Damnation List and a Naughty List.

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Devil
Devil (Photo credit: elycefeliz)

Happy weekend, everyone! We’re going off-topic today to check in on Satan again. Last time he messed with the cats of the world, and now the hackers have found him. I’m pretty sure there’s a connection.

But Rachael, you might be thinking, it’s June! Why are we talking about Christmas right now?

I’ve got one word for you: denial. You see, I live in Georgia. And right about now, it’s like a hot, moist oven outside. It’s how I imagine the inside of a dragon’s throat must be like. And being a person who loves running, I’ve got to run in that. Miles and miles. It’s wretched. Hellish, if you will.

So I shove the hot, humid facts of reality aside in favor of cold, wintry fantasy. Specifically, dreams of December. Snow, ice, chilly winds cutting through your five layers of clothes… really, it’s soothing.

Of course, in Georgia, snow is mostly hypothetical. I hear it’s a real pain for those of you who get more than a dusting each year. In which case, maybe we can arrange a bargain: you ship me all your snow, and I’ll take you off the Damnation List. Everyone wins!

What do you guys think? Do you like the cold better, or the heat?

Motley Microfiction: The Last Temptation of Ginger

“The Last Temptation of Ginger”

On the rooftop, Satan sighed. By contract, he had to do this with anyone claiming godhood, but this was getting ridiculous. “Ginger,” he said, “if you’re God, throw yourself from the rooftop.”

The feline washed her paws.

“You’ve got to pick one. Either jump or refuse,” Satan explained.

Ginger ignored him. She never followed directions.

Satan glanced surreptitiously at the sky, then produced a laser pointer. Ginger leaped after the red dot. “MRRRRRROOOoooooowwww!” She plummeted twenty storeys down.

Satan chuckled. “Works every time.”

But behind him, he heard a sound. A meow. He turned. His eyes widened. “Oh my God!”

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English: A picture of my orange tabby cat Ging...

Today I’m taking a break from the medical-themed pieces to bring you this little story, written for the Drabblecast’s weekly microfiction contest. The theme was “Test of Faith”, and this is what I came up with.

Cats, as we all know, believe they’re divine. Given the sheer number of cats in the world, the odds are that for one cat out there, it’s got to be a fact and not just narcissism. The test of faith is not the cat’s; the cat already knows it’s divine. It’s poor Beelzebub who must confront his own presuppositions.

Then again, maybe cats are just really, really good at throwing themselves off of rooftops. Satan needs a new litmus test.

Having tested the patience of the divine with that nasty laser pointer trick, I have to wonder what happens next. What do you think the punishment’s going to be? More importantly, has anyone else’s cat performed a miracle or two that we should all know about?