Ruined! He was ruined! Satan brooded over the vast, deserted hellscape and wondered for the thousandth time how it’d come to this.
Damn you, hackers! he thought, but damning was no good now. Thanks to a technicality, no souls would be damned to Hell anytime soon. Not until Satan could get a tech guy down here to fix the servers.
The teenagers responsible hadn’t even intended it. They’d just wanted a good haul of Christmas presents.
Sure, there were superficial similarities: signature red outfit, similarly spelled names. But there’s a huge difference between a Damnation List and a Naughty List.
Happy weekend, everyone! We’re going off-topic today to check in on Satan again. Last time he messed with the cats of the world, and now the hackers have found him. I’m pretty sure there’s a connection.
But Rachael, you might be thinking, it’s June! Why are we talking about Christmas right now?
I’ve got one word for you: denial. You see, I live in Georgia. And right about now, it’s like a hot, moist oven outside. It’s how I imagine the inside of a dragon’s throat must be like. And being a person who loves running, I’ve got to run in that. Miles and miles. It’s wretched. Hellish, if you will.
So I shove the hot, humid facts of reality aside in favor of cold, wintry fantasy. Specifically, dreams of December. Snow, ice, chilly winds cutting through your five layers of clothes… really, it’s soothing.
Of course, in Georgia, snow is mostly hypothetical. I hear it’s a real pain for those of you who get more than a dusting each year. In which case, maybe we can arrange a bargain: you ship me all your snow, and I’ll take you off the Damnation List. Everyone wins!
What do you guys think? Do you like the cold better, or the heat?